Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, and noticed
a  distinct slow-down in overall system performance - particularly in
the  Flower and Jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other
valuable  programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then  installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, MLB 3.0, NBA 4..0,
NASCAR 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running
Nagging  5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command:
“http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com” and try to download Tears
6.2, and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that
application  works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of
the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy
Silence  2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program
that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT
install  Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will
eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is
an  unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary,
Husband  1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory, and cannot
learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional
software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food
3.0  and Lingerie 7.7.