September 22, 2006 by Dan White.

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of
Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long
time for you.”

“Hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel, and disappeared inside.
After a few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but by our records you
are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you
have to be 82…”

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September 19, 2006 by Dan White.

The Technically Challenged

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip
any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one…

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on
my desk… sorry….

===============

Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill
Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I
try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

============== =

Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

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September 18, 2006 by Dan White.

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her
husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and
afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her
lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of
the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)

“Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so glad that you called. Really? That’s
wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great!
Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.”

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh” she replies, “That was my husband telling me all about the
wonderful time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.”

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September 7, 2006 by Dan White.

Tax Tip
When setting up banking for your small business, think about the costs of banking.
Your business account should only receive business income deposits. You can decide what payments need to come from that account based on your own needs.
All other deposits should go to your personal bank account with a clear description on why the deposit is not income. CRA considers all bank deposits in any of your accounts personal or business as income. You always have to prove the non income deposits are not taxible income.
Usually a personal chequing account is less expensive to use than a business account, so do as many payments as possible from the personal account. Transfer the money you need to pay bills from your business account to your personal account. The transfer and the payments should balance.
As you will be using your personal account to pay business expenses, the banking fees will be tax deductible.
Make sure you enter all payments in your BKS with the business explanation, so that no business expenses fall in the cracks and no non income deposits go into your business income.
DW

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